Apple Juice
by Miss.Sly
Summary: Luna has a jug of juice, and she's not afraid to use it.


Title: Apple Juice  
Author: Miss. Sly  
Style: Oneshot  
Type: Harry Potter  
Category: Humor / General  
Main Character(s): Luna Lovegood  
Minor Character(s): Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle, Vincent Crabbe, and Pansy Parkinson  
Word Count: 698

* * *

Luna smiled dreamily as she skipped out of the kitchens. Well, attempted to skip. It was a little hard to skip, she'd have you know, when you're carrying a large jug of apple juice in your arms.

A small voice in the back of her mind that sounded suspiciously like bushy-haired Hermione Granger whispered, _why don't you just cast a feather-weight charm on it?_

"Well," she replied out loud, "Daddy always says it builds character."

A tiny first year gave her an odd look and scampered quickly out of her way.

Luna continued to wander the school, half-skipping through the halls. She widened her eyes at the throngs of students staring at her, daring them to ask her what was going on.

All too soon, the bell rang and the students filed off to class. All students, that is, except Luna.

Large, vacant smile still on her lips, she continued her wandering. After what couldn't have been fifteen minutes, her smile turned satisfied, and she tipped the large jug of juice so a thin stream of liquid poured out and onto the floor. Careful not to spill any of the juice on herself, she walked, still pouring, to the bathroom, leaving an oddly coloured trail in her wake.

A tiny giggle escaped her, and she dumped the last of the juice into a urinal, watching it splash out over the sides.

Skipping back outside the bathroom, she sat cross-legged in the center of the hallway to wait.

She didn't have to wait long. Not even ten minutes after settling down, a group of Slytherin's made their way down the hall. Draco Malfoy, Gregory Goyle, Vincent Crabbe, and Pansy Parkinson trampled their way towards her, haughty smirks on their faces.

Noticing Luna sitting in the middle of the hall, Draco opened his mouth, ready to let fly a snide remark, but his words were drowned out by a horrified shriek.

Pansy Parkinson lay eagle-spread on the center of the hallway, yellow liquid seeping into her expensive robes.

The boys blinked a few times, surprised. Draco looked torn, as though he wasn't sure if he wanted to help the poor girl up or collapse next to Luna and howl with laughter.

Goyle poked his head into the bathroom, noticing the urinal. He swung his gaze back to the sprawled girl on the floor and let out a small laugh. At her poisonous look, he covered it with a cough.

Crabbe looked mildly concerned. "Are you alright?"

Luna was impressed the large mass of Slytherin had enough brains to form a complete sentence.

An ungodly shriek escaped Parkinson before she wailed, "No! I am not alright! I'm sitting in a puddle of piss! Fucking piss you dimwit!"

Draco couldn't contain himself any longer, lips twitching; he turned on his heel and tried to leave, only getting a few steps before he leaned heavily against one stone wall. Luna noted his shoulders shook with laughter.

"I'm sitting in fucking piss and you're leaving!"

Luna allowed a vacant smile to pass over her lips, when inside she was dying laughing. _Just get up you silly bitch,_ she thought amused.

Draco didn't answer. His shoulders shook harder.

Pansy let out a bellow of pure rage and flung herself upwards, slipping and falling face first into more of the juice.

"Hey..." the female Slytherin muttered, "this piss tastes like apple juice."

Luna heard Draco let out a rumbling laugh to accompany his bouncing shoulders.

The pug-faced girl grabbed onto Goyle, using him a leverage to haul herself up. Grabbing Crabbe and Goyle's shirts she stalked off down the hall, thunderous expression on her face, refusing to look at the tall blonde against the wall.

After a few minutes, Malfoy's shoulders stopped bouncing, the rumbling laugh slowly ceased. He turned, small smile on his pink lips, to Luna.

Luna raised one dreamy eyebrow, a challenging gesture.

"Nice one Loony."

Luna's naturally shocked expression turned innocent, surprised. "What are you talking about Malfoy?"

He pointed to the large jug clearly labelled 'Apple Juice' sitting beside her.

She only smiled. "The barblies made me do it."

Standing quickly, she flounced down the hall, silvery laughter following her.

* * *

Date Written: February 7, 2009

A/N: A while back JescaShylock and myself were emailing back and forth short crackfics. This was one mine.

Feedback is welcome, constructive criticism is love.

Sly.


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